i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
