I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
