it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
