I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
