That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
