shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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