You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
And then he peed in my hair
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