the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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