and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
