I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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