if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
