i need an iv and a liver transplant
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize