I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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