Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
