if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I think I just sharted jello shots
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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