and next time when you feel me up, do it right
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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