You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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