Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
