We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
