I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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