I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
