remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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