Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Boobs speak an international language.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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