My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Drake has all the answers
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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