So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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