Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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