drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
