Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so let's talk penis.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
