ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
