I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
