he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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