you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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