my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
