He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
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Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize