I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize