I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
