This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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