Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
