jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
How's work?
Spinning.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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