Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
