Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
