why didn't you poke me back
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
