hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
