Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
