The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
