I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
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I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
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