Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
