some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
