im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
