i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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