i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i already hear my dad disowning me
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
