Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
