It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
