The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
BRING THE BAGELS
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
