I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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