3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
