I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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