Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
