I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
sex in a hospital.. check
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
