He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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