Cold hands, warm shart.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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