Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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