i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
