Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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