can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
