Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Two words: nipple clamps
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