she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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