Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
