I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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