just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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