Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
