I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
