it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
