you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
