I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
