Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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