A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
