If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
As shirtless as possible
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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