i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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