Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
